I should have been able to regard the event of Brexit with total equanimity.

After all, I am Manx by birth, a New Zealander by adoption, and a resident of Malaysia. Nothing to do with me, right?

But I lived, studied, and worked in Britain for many years. I have family here. I still have huge respect for the country's finer qualities.

So I still feel I'm involved, and the truth is that I'm profoundly saddened by this move.

Yes, the EU can be elitist, arrogant, and ridiculous.

Yes, its leading lights probably tried to move too far too fast, and definitely paid too little attention to ensuring that everyone was still comfortably on board.

But it's still one of the most admirable cooperative projects on the face of the globe, and to be pulling out seems distinctly counter-intuitive...

Formative influences are always hard to quantify, but one of mine, as a child, was undoubtedly the Chalet School books by Elinor M. Brent-Dyer. I was absolutely entranced by the idea that people might go to school in Austria, along with students from many different European countries, and have lessons not only in English but in French and German...

Europe, even in its Cold-War-divided state, seemed indescribably cool to me.

So I embraced European languages, literature, history, and culture -- primarily German and French, but also Spanish and Italian -- with the long-term aspiration to feel at home not only in the British Isles but in the cities of the continent.

I snapped up any opportunity to study, work, volunteer, and travel in mainland Europe, and when I was back in the UK, I sought out jobs that brought me into contact with European customers.




So, whereas I have never seen myself as British, "European" is definitely a meaningful and influential part of my identity, even though I've lived outside the continent for a long time now.

I fully acknowledge the degree of privilege that has enabled me to feel this way. Though never rich, I was able to benefit from scholarships and employment opportunities. I understand that people with fewer windows on the world might feel very differently, and it is tragic that no-one tried hard enough to make sure the benefits of belonging to a wider political community were spread more widely, evenly, and openly.

It's partly this feeling of opportunity missed that makes this exit so painful.

Along with many others, I am appalled by the manipulation and deceit that helped to bring this result about; I worry about the effects on people movement; and I fear that Britain will look for friends overseas, and find only exploiters.

Watching ITV's reportage in the hour leading up to 11pm last night (midnight in Brussels: the official time of exit), I could not but be struck by the obvious divisions that still split the country. Young/old, labour/conservative -- it is riven as rarely before. The jubilation in parts of the north contrasted with the sense of betrayal in Scotland, and the concerns in Northern Ireland.

It's all very well to talk about "pulling together now Brexit is done". But a huge amount of hard negotiation is still needed before the transition period is up at the end of the year, and these various constituencies are going to have very different views on what counts as success.

As an International Relations scholar, I also cringe at the routine misuse of the term "sovereignty". This concept has never meant "complete freedom to do whatever you like". It has always been something that it is negotiated with others, and subject to external influence and limits. Unrealistic expectations of untrammelled autonomy are going to lead to high levels of disappointment in the near future, I fear.

So, a historic day, and from my point of view, a pretty miserable one.